Cute is justice.
There was never more truly horryfying thing.
Want to enter pedophile paradise? World seen in twisted mirror, where cuteness is measure of power and influence? Things that makes no physical, biological, political, economic or any sense whatsoever?
Look no further. Welcome to mad, mad world. Welcome to Hello Kitty Online.
OwMySanity is being born.
Judging by avaliable avatars during character creation, you are either anime mutant or drug junkie. With this in mind, it became obvious how game starts: after death from overdosing one of vast arsenal of drugs provided by Badtz-Maru, you start journey through personally-taliored Hell full of things that you hate. Including instant gratification AND lack of thereof. How it is even possible?
First circle of that hell is Dream Island (former Pitcairn Island – previous tenants for some reason sold it very cheaply and got out in hurry), where you learn to play and have glimpses of things to come, including
Devil Eternal Dear Leader Hello Kitty herself (already? talk about, yes, instant gratification). When you start real game, everything is taken away from you and you are dumped on Sanrio Harbour to became beach hobo. I’m sure there is some lesson in that.
By the way, nick of my character, OwMySanity, is homage to this webcomic. Other future instances of this nick in other MMOs may be me too. Or not. Who knows?
Embrace the system.
Gameplay reality of HKO reflects Hell fairly accurately. You can’t die (sounds kinda familiar…) – as everyone else here, including monsters. You just put them to sleep, like your favourite hamster when you were kid, with that difference hamster did not came back. Jobs taken by you are in majority annoying errands. Making needed things on your own is often included. Crafting system shows some promise, unfortunately destroyed by other failings of this MMO.
Economy is capitalism with circulating money and standard services. It is pretty ruthless – NPCs met in game almost always will give you tasks involving their business before you can start with something resembling care for relatives or other values that don’t involve money. Remember, friendship is just number to met. As cherry on the top serve regular nagging from game to buy items from virtual shop, leading to blank page.
Prostrate before Queen!
Manager of this warped, illogical reality is titular Hello Kitty, ruling with iron fist, painted in pink hearts. Apparently she have some secret special project. One can only shudder in fear imagining what unbelievable evil she is planning.
Last we heard of First Übercat, she was personally dealing with massive case of civil unrest in New York. It is only question of time when she will command troops to shoot civilians.
Hello Kitty Online is worst grinding hell ever, punctuated by screams of despair and terribly unbalanced play. Running in circles bashing same group of mobs over and over… or alternatively making them happy over and over with your, uhhh, “sparkler”… or gathering weed over and over in hope of 10% chance drop… following repetive, linear and boring storyline… who the hell could thought it would be fun?
I will not even mention plethora of smaller issues, like requirement to launch HKO with administrative privileges or notorically unreliable logging.
Even nudist fights cannot make up for it all.
Screw that, I’m going home. And I won’t be looking back at this piece of steaming bovine matter byproduct.