“I just read gay Strelkov porn so you wouldn’t have to”

Piece of propaganda or political trollfic? YOU DECIDE.

Natalia Antonova

Note: After I wrote this post, I made the decision to insert a bunch of gifs with hot men in them. It’s not for you – it’s for me. To preserve my soul.

When Heather McRobie alerted me to the fact that erotic gay fan fiction featuring Igor Strelkov (Girkin), former (?) separatist leader in eastern Ukraine (and he’s actually from Russia, btw), was for sale on Amazon, I knew I had to take one for the team. Kind of like Batman – if Batman sat at home in a bathrobe and wrote about porn.

bale is amused

So here are some essential facts about “Sucking Strelkov”:

– Great title!

– It’s all downhill from the moment you read that great title!

– And it’s almost as if this story, which is 5,7k words long, was written specifically for a journalist to discover it and start shrieking about it on the internet. Immediately, from…

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Standstill Girl walkthrough, part 4: freedoom.

Last time we left Alice, she discovered first part of her memories. You can also start from beginning.

Well, let’s check if Gulinello knows more.

other_affectionate

But sometimez sheer affection won’t get you anywhere.

Tiska himself is not particularly helpful either, too.

…Alice, are you really interested in your past?

It is obvious, isn't it? For me, choice between Peace of mind and Truth is always same.

Of course I am!

Then maybe you might consider this little incident a good thing. The Clock hands will forcibly show your past. So long as you’re prepared… I leave it all to you.

…Hey, take this.

item_seraphssixwings

It’s a charm for wardens. I hope it can protect you instead of me, Alice.

Let’s check it.

  • [Seraphs Six Wings] Grants auto-revive.

If you eat it during battle, you will regenerate your stats fully when defeated. Well, looks useful for boss battles and the like. More talk brings you only this:

No need to rush. It’s totally fine if you take this at your own pace.

Okay, Alice, I know you like to talk with Tiska, but enough of lollygagging. Onwards to second door!

Departure for Malis – The Cradle of Slavery

map_05_start

New area, new monsters, as usual.

Simonster_sightsseenghts Seen – Some guy made from water. Relatively fast. It can heal itself, but uses this skill rarely.

Tactics: Likes to cast Guard first, Stardust second. Obviously, counter-cast Guard in this case. Beside that, just Brain Blue him to death once.

Skills: Guard, Aura, Stardust.

Smonster_savantavant – strange name for something that looks pretty much like zombie. It is slow.

Tactics: Guess what two skills you have to use. If you guessed Guard and Brain Blue, congratulations! No prize, though.

Skills: Spirit Thorn, Deadly Venom (Weak), Charge.

 

Emonster_edgedge – as it is flying sword with mean attitude, name is certainly appropriate.

Tactics: It has only offensive skills, so you can start beating him up right away. You have to Guard once anyway, as Brain Blue will take care of him.

Skills: Shock, Spirit Thorn, Summer Rain Strike.

monster_deathmariaDeath Maria – severed head of Medusa… ISIS got into Cisthene or what? It is strongest regular monster here – it is capable of surviving Brain Blue. If this happens, time to incerase PSY.

Tactics: It always guards first. Kick her with Shock, on second turn guard, then wipe her out with Brain Blue.

Skills: Guard, Bolten Light, ?

Umonster_uneasenease – Big green rattlesnake. It is pretty fast, if he starts first, time to improve AGL.

Tactics: Guard, Brain Blue. You may start to think that combat system in this game is somewhat… lacking.

Skills: Shock, Deadly Venom (Weak), Crunch.

 

Basically, you would want to use anything else than Guard+Brain Blue combo only for new skills. Also try from time to time aliment-inflicting moves and the like.

New status aliment:

  • Weak – you lose 5% of LP each turn. No big deal, Brain Blue costs more LP to use!

New potential skills:

  • [Nervous Breakdown] – EC-2 / LC-10 Inflicts Damage (B) + Weak. You have to be victim of this very spell and suffer from Weak.
  • [Innocent Rain] – EC-3 / LC-10 Inflicts Damage (A). You have to use Brain Blue tons of times.

Let’s get back to business. First walk to west. You will notice bonus cog next to water tower.

map_05_1stgreencog

Random monster guards prize.

  • White Charm: [Endurance] Prevent Death/Weak. Whatever.

Shadeling loitering next to couple has nothing interesting to say.

Boy, that’s one big train. Hey Alice, where’s it go?

To Malis, I guess. We will go too. Ask shadeling in entrance.

Comin’ aboard?

Yes.

We’ll be off soon. Get on.

Train to destiny

Huh? Why train moves, yet humans are still frozen? And that view in window… seems like this place is partially in timestream. Is this guardian doing, I wonder. Somehow I doubt this train will ever reach it’s destination, if you do nothing.

map_05_train_entry

Final cog is already here, taunting me by its very presence. Ah well. Shadeling has small advice.

If you wanna go back to the Land of Time, jump out that door there.

You can only go west.

Wonder who sleeps here?

This looks like sleeping car. Local shadeling is visibly distressed.

This place is uncomfortable somehow…

Green cog here is randomly guarded. Drop is random too, for example:

  • Greengrass Hairpin: [Anxiety] AGL +25%. Excuse me if I will still use Coral Hairpin.

Go west to next car.By now you should understand it is not a common train.It is just me or this whole train is almost empty? Shadeling by window wonders:

If we keep steaming on like a train, can we be freed from this living hell?

Second plays around.

Badump. Rattle. Rattle. Badump.

Near west end of car is partially obscured green cog. It is still relatively easy to spot, because it moves. Like previous one, is randomly guarded and drops randomly. Example:

  • Troll Fang: [1/4 Counter] Chance of countering enemy attack. Finally something decent! While non-boss monsters at this stage can be easily killed by Guard+Brain Blue combo, it sill can shorten battle and waste less time. Useful for blue cog battles.

Next car finally has blue cog. Shadeling here has this unsettling warning:

Humans have these relationships where the low ones support the high. I guess that’s what’s goin’ on with the car next to this one.

Nice foreshadowing, pal.

You will not be back

Okay, time to take on blue cog. What Time Scar guards it?Hey, unicorns are supposed to be good!

One-way Ticket – This large, bluish unicorn certainly looks menacing.

Tactics: First do guard, but if it guards, guard again. You will need two Guard+Brain Blues combos. Counterattack thanks to Troll Fang may shorten this battle significantly.

Skills: Guard, Stardust, Nervous Breakdown, Charge.

After defeating it don’t forget to return to Land of Time and do some gardening’n’shopping. You may also trade this (provided you already found it):

  • [Delusion Cure] Cures status aliments. Value: 50 force.

Shadeling loitering south from shop has now different advice:

I hear some moves you have to learn from an enemy usin’n them on you.

In home, Shadeville Magazine has new headlines.

Limited-Time Land of Life Tour

“Time” to make some memories! Free-for-all ’till the Great Clock is fixed!!

Oh, you think you are so clever with this pun, huh. Time to back to Land of Living. Let’s see what is ominous fifth car all about. Go west.Oh dear.Huh. Prison car. In hindsight, I should have seen this coming. Sadly, all prison cells are locked. We will deal with them later. Resident shadeling cynically notes:

With rooms this small, guess you can get a lot on.

As you cannot do anything here for now, go west.More of the same.Surprise, surprise, another prison car. Time for fourth wall advice from shadeling here:

You can’t Invert flying foes, nor Blind eyeless ones. You can usually tell what effects won’t work from a foe’s appearance.

Next car is normal. Still empty, though. Well, not counting shadelings and green cog.Shadelings seems to love train rides.Ask around.

Watch out for the Concentration move. It sacrifices LP for EC. You better fear it. ‘Cause an enemy can get ready to unleash a finisher quick.

It better be, because so far game is pretty easy. Ooh, next part of lore!

First, God made a little garden called the Land of Life. Then God put life in it. When changes in time occured, it made contradictions in the garden. So Order was born to correct things’ paths when they went astray. ‘Course we’re stuck without much freedom now thanks to that…

Funnily enough, this particular optional green cog is not optional at all. At least, not if you want to progress in game. I see what creator did here. Again, random guard, random drop. Like this:

  • Obscure Score: [Knockback] Reduce enemy meter on attack. While it can slow down enemy, Troll Fang is the best.

Go west.What these people think? It is just another day of job, right?Finally! That damn train is pretty long. Destroy blue cog. You already know how to deal with gray-blue insane unicorns. Note shadeling pretending to direct train.
I’m the one moving the train. Impressive, huh?

Yeah, sure you are. Move on. That fat guy below blue cog has Jail Keys. Take them and return back to prison cars in reverse order. In car closer to train head, in cells are two points of interest: green cog and red shadeling. With green cog you know the drill. Random monster, random prize, but this time it is common item, not accessory. Red shadeling is different matter. Should you agree to his challenge, you will meet with…

monster_mrshadelingMr. Shadeling – big, black, headless armor set with big sword.

Tactics: It is pretty slow. Shock, Guard, Brain Blue. Dissapointing, really.

Skills: Guard, Summer Rain Slice, Repose Seed, Flam Shout (Invert)

As prize for defeating him Mr. Shadeling gives you this new skill:

  • [Flam Shout] – EC-1 Induces Invert. Yes, it is only thing it does. It is basically useful only to dispel enemy EC (usually enemy will Guard to accumulate EC needed to strongest attacks).

In other prison car, you find shadeling in one of cells.

Ack! You found me!! Take this and leave me be!

He will give you random common item. Ask him again.

Leave me beee… I wanna know how it feels for the people put in here.

I think it involves fear not exactly about being closed here, but about what happens later. Anyway, lets tacke last blue cog here. As usual, One-Way Ticket is here. Kick it’s ass and return to car where you started. Do your chores (you know, allocating force, harvesting plants, selecting skills etc), make sure you have Southern Cross and return back.

We’ve arrived

Touch formerly-pink cog.

Hello again, Chronola. Or rather, you.

And yet when I close my eyes, her smiling face comes to mind. This is a nightmare… right?

Personification of child’s nightmare, Last Stop, Slave Market, looks like classic Grim Reaper.

Slavery is Freedoom.

Preparations: Grim Reaper is extremely strong. This sudden spike in diffculty can be irritiating, not to mention it shows more clearly how unbalanced is this game.

You will need significant amount of PSY to take Reaper down in practical amount of time. And you have to kill him fast, because he will kill you sooner or latter. As Skills select Guard, Brain Blue, Southern Cross, 2xPleasure Fruit/Joy Flower. As accessory you probably will want Coral Hairpin.

Tactics: You should start first with Southern Cross. Now you will have to fire Crosses as much as you can, taking in account your health. You have to survive not only Cross (20 LP is significant amount of your health), but also enemy attack. If you see Reaper guarding, either Guard or heal yourself. Finish Reaper with Brain Blue.

Skills: Guard, Spirit Thorn, Bolten Light, Nightmare (Dizzy), Death’s Sickle (needs EC, Death).

You will probably get your ass kicked. In this case you will wake up at Great Clock.

Alice, are you okay…?

For Time Warden, death is slap on the wirst.

If you are too weak to take on Grim Reaper, you will have to grind. Blergh. At least, if you get hurt and Tiska heals you, he has new advice.

Are you getting any new skills? If you want better skills, try using the old ones more.

We know that already, but thanks anyway, Tiska!

After defeating Grim Reaper, enter last car. Shard of memory incoming. Guards, Chronola between them, enter last car. Some guy with better uniform looks at her.

How much for her?

Rich guy in Malis has a thing for these. No doubt he’ll want her.

Guard lead Chronola to her cell. One moment later…

No, it is only you and voices in your head.

…Oh, there is! Good… When they took me here, I was the only one…

Girl raises head.

…You know where this train’s going?

Now she drops head again.

Well, I heard one of those men talking about the “Cradle” in Malis. Cradle… Hey, you know what it really means?

It means “***** market.”

End of flashback. You are in last car. Enter cell and take fragment of clock hand.

Cradle of Slavery

You are back in Land of Time. This is getting darker and darker, isn’t it? See you next time.

Sousvelliance time.

I think there is time for sousvelliance package. Inspiration for this post should be obvious.

Google Glass or equivalent, internet connection, streaming live, copying on fly to network of p2p servers all around world to make it impossible to delete or censor it. Destroying recording device would not help in this case. Specialistic websites dedicated to cover live certain events (like protests) could be set up, all options including choosing particular person to follow.

It already can be done, it is just expensive (Google Glass goes for 1500$). But prices of gadgets fall, and open source software is for free… everyone will be able to transmit everything, if price of thing like Google Glass will be 15$. And it will, it is just matter of time.

What will be response of law enforcement? They cannot ban these devices (at least in USA) or arrest everyone, right? Right?

I can’t wait for police cellphone jammers, as they will be inevitably deployed into use of USA, China, Russia and other pseudodemocratic and authorianian countries. Of course, it will be to prevent terrorist communication or something. Not for preventing transmission of evidence about police brutality, nooo sir, not at all.