Forever today

…showed a desperate aloneness, fear, and bewilderment. He was acutely, continually, agonizingly conscious that something bizarre, something awful, was the matter. His constantly repeated complaint, however, was not of a faulty memory but of being deprived, in some uncanny and terrible way, of all experience, deprived of consciousness and life itself.

This is one story that impacted me deeply. Story without horror, yet scary. Fate that you cannot be sure is worse than death, yet something bordering on hell. Fact that have serious implications beyond tragedy of one human. And worst of it all, it is real.

Apocalyptic log Excerpts from journal:

Today: 1st CONSCIOUSNESS… Conscious for the FIRST TIME.

2:10 P.M: This time properly awake. . . .

2:14 P.M: this time finally awake. . . .

2:35 P.M: this time completely awake,

At 9:40 P.M. I awoke for the first time, despite my previous claims.

I was fully conscious at 10:35 P.M., and awake for the first time in many, many weeks.

And like this for many, many pages.

Meet Clive Wearing, man with most extreme known case of so-called anterograde amnesia: he will forget everything in literally 30 seconds. Before that and now he was, is and will be dead forever. But not all was lost. Love for music and for wife survived. Some memories from past before brain infection, before nasty virus that took out rather important part of his brain. And this is pretty much it.

How much you can get from 30 seconds? How fast you can talk, how much bad jokes you can tell, how long riding on consciousness stream before inevitably succumbing to unknown enemy, unknown to you, yet still felt on some basic level? Where you are in this state, anyway? Beyond space and time, isn’t that yet another brand new Hell (this time all too real) from infinity possibilities?

So much for concept of soul, by the way.

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