The Talos Principle.

Puzzle game that belongs here? Why not. Welcome to world where even philosophers bleed.

The Talos Principle.

Frogs are people too

You are robot in some kind of virtual reality. Don’t worry, it is not spoiler, fakeness of surroundings and your nature is apparent almost from the very beginning. You are accompanied by voice in your head claiming to be Elohim (yes, that one). It demands solving puzzles and promises things that you can(not) do or have anyway. It also forbids you from going into Tower. Sounds familiar?

You will meet indirectly other poor souls like you (via barcode messages on wall) and read their musings, questions and sometimes death messages. Last, but not least, there is something lurking in terminals, something so nihilistic it gives Nietzsche run for his money…

We do it for fun

SiDon't blow yourself up, now.nce it is philosophical puzzle game, let’s talk about puzzles.

When you travel around this artificial world, you will encounter shitton of puzzles, both of marked (gates with pink forcefield and boards with sigil, looking like Tetris blocks) and unmarked variety. In them you will avoid bombs and machine guns, turn off forcefields, play with box HEXAHEDRON and even co-op with yourself.

Puzzles range from very easy (green sigils) to extremely hard (upper half of red sigils) – and if you want 100% completion (all stars and floors of Tower), you go all way up to “fucking inhumanly impossible”.

Example? In one puzzle between puzzles to get star you have to take advantage of little fact that when you land after jumping, your view lurches slightly down (no, your goddamn robot cannot crouch). It happens to be enough to reach certain item from down that otherwise is unreachable without using other item (and making it unavailable in process). And that other item is needed for getting star too.

It is madness, and puzzles for silver sigils (hardest of hardest and necessary to reach top of Tower and get best – for given value of ‘best’ – ending) are often just straight out unfair.

Laugh at pointlessnes of existence

Under bright cover of colorful environments with brain-wringing puzzles The Talos Principle has undertones of existential horror with some SOMA vibes. I normally do not play puzzle games, but that one is exception thanks to it’s story and philosophical musings. From deeply ironic “certification process” to overarching story about creators of world where you are in, it is strangely addictive experience.

Drawing advices these days…


some handy tips for drawing men that look like men and women that look like women:

  • on average, a man’s shoulders should be around 2.5 to 3 heads wide. a woman’s shoulders should be infinite, extending like an eternal flesh ribbon into the howling vortex of time and space
  • men do NOT have body hair. men have NO hair. men are genetically incapable of growing hair. stop drawing hairy men. stop drawing men altogether. men do NOT exist
  • DON’T forget the luxurious pelt that all women sport, grown from birth and increasing in length indefinitely until death, typically attaining lengths of up to three metres
  • women have wider hips than men, who have no hips at all, only negative space and mc escher optical illusions
  • remember, men and women have different sex characteristics. men have flat chests, tails, and 23 gherkins. women have a narrow waist, known as a “wasp waist”, two pairs of wings, and either an ovipositor or a stinger
  • women are WASPS
  • they’re fucking BUGS you piece of SHIT

Worst thing of all? Someone actually followed this advice. Result below done by poor shmuck with, apparently, too much SAN: